New Year’s Resolutions: Motivation, Pressure, and Finding a Kinder Way to Change

The start of a new year arrives wrapped in possibility. Fresh calendars, clean pages, a sense that something can be different. For many of us, this is when New Year’s resolutions appear — bold promises to change, improve, and finally become the version of ourselves we’ve been working towards.

At their best, resolutions can be powerful motivators. They help us pause, reflect, and consciously choose a direction. At their worst, they can quietly pile pressure onto already full lives, turning hope into guilt by mid-January.

So are New Year’s resolutions good or bad for us?

As with most things, the answer lies somewhere in between.

Why New Year’s Resolutions Can Be Helpful

There’s a real psychological reason why the new year feels like a good time to change. Researchers call this the “fresh start effect.” A study published in Management Science (2014) found that temporal landmarks — such as birthdays, Mondays, and New Year’s Day — help people mentally separate their “old self” from a “new self,” making change feel more achievable.

I can vouch for this. For a long time New Years Eve has been somewhat of a ritual for me, to reflect on the year, and contemplate what I want to do differently the following year. I think about how I want to grow, the sort of person I want to be, where I need work. And that countdown feels almost like the start of a race. On your marks, get set, go!

In simple terms, the new year gives us permission to reset.

Resolutions can help by:

• providing clarity about what matters to us
• creating motivation through intention-setting
• encouraging self-reflection
• helping us align our actions with our values

When approached gently, resolutions can act like a compass rather than a rulebook.

As psychologist Dr. Hal Hershfield explains, thinking about our future self increases our willingness to make healthier choices in the present. A resolution, at its best, is simply a conversation with that future version of you.

The Problem: Pressure, Perfectionism, and All-or-Nothing Thinking

Despite good intentions, many resolutions fail — and not because people are lazy or unmotivated.

Research from the University of Scranton suggests that only about 8% of people stick to their New Year’s resolutions long term. That statistic alone tells us something important: the issue isn’t willpower — it’s the way we frame change.

Resolutions often fall into traps such as:

• unrealistic expectations
• binary thinking (“I’ve failed, so what’s the point?”)
• external pressure from social media and comparison
• self-criticism instead of self-compassion

Psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion shows that people who are kinder to themselves after setbacks are more likely to persist with change — not less. Shame and pressure don’t motivate; they paralyse.

When a resolution becomes a demand rather than a desire, it can drain joy and increase anxiety. Suddenly, rest feels like failure. Flexibility feels like weakness. And small steps feel insignificant — when in reality, they’re everything.

Even the idea of taking it slowly, one day at a time, can quickly turn from manageable, to impossible, when you're on day 4 of a 31 day month and struggling.

Why Motivation Fades (and What the Brain Has to Do With It)

At the start of January, motivation is high because novelty triggers dopamine — the brain’s “anticipation” chemical. This is why new planners, new gym memberships, and new habits feel exciting at first.

I love a new planner. I'm a fiend for procrastiplanning - that is to spend time planning a task instead of doing it. I realised a while ago that I'd sit and spend an hour with a cuppa writing a to do list for the day and that felt pretty good until I had to do the stuff. The truth is, if I had just gotten on with things, I would have done the main stuff in the time it took to write the list.

Writing the list was exciting, it felt productive, it felt good. Then I was exhausted when it came to doing the stuff.

And that's the thing, dopamine spikes don’t last.

When motivation inevitably dips, many people interpret this as personal failure. In reality, it’s simply biology. Sustainable change depends less on motivation and more on systems, environment, and self-belief.

James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, puts it beautifully: “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”

A resolution without support, flexibility, or compassion is like planting a seed and never watering it.

A Kinder Way to Think About Resolutions

Instead of asking: “What should I change about myself?”

Try asking: “What would support me right now?”

This subtle shift changes everything.

Rather than rigid resolutions, many psychologists recommend:

• intentions instead of rules
• themes instead of targets
• habits instead of outcomes

For example:

• “I want to move my body more” instead of “I must exercise daily”
• “I want to create regularly” instead of “I must finish a project”
• “I want to feel calmer” instead of “I must stop feeling anxious”

These gentler goals reduce pressure and increase sustainability.

The Power of Small, Flexible Change

Behavioural science consistently shows that small, repeatable actions are far more effective than big, dramatic promises.

A 2009 study in European Journal of Social Psychology found that habits form through consistency, not intensity. Doing something small most days rewires the brain far more effectively than doing something big occasionally.

This is why:

• five minutes of creativity
• a short daily walk
• a single glass of water
• one mindful pause

…often lead to more meaningful change than strict resolutions ever could.

Let the New Year Be a Beginning, Not a Test

The new year doesn’t need to be a measuring stick. It doesn’t need to demand reinvention. It can simply be an invitation — to listen, to reflect, and to choose with care.

As writer Glennon Doyle says: “We can do hard things — but we don’t have to do them all at once.”

• You’re allowed to change slowly.
• You’re allowed to rest.
• You’re allowed to begin again — not just in January, but any day you choose.

New Year’s resolutions are only helpful if they serve you — not if they make you feel smaller, heavier, or behind.

Perhaps the most powerful resolution of all is this: to move toward the life you want with curiosity, kindness, and patience.

And that is a change worth keeping.

New Year’s Resolutions: Finding a Kinder Way to Change

This post is a collaborative effort between AI and myself in order to work a little bit faster.

Do you like what I do? If so please consider supporting the project by buying something from my shop, or becoming a supporter via my buymeacoffee page. You can make a one off contribution, or sign up to a £2 a month membership.