We all have habits we’d rather not have—things we do without thinking, even when we know they don’t serve us. Scrolling too late. Biting nails. Reaching for cigarettes, snacks, or a quick dopamine hit instead of a deep breath.
But here’s the hopeful news: habits aren’t fixed. They’re patterns. And patterns can be gently re-woven.
Breaking a bad habit doesn’t start with willpower—it starts with awareness, replacement, and compassion. Let’s explore how.
Why Habits Stick (and How to Unstick Them)
Habits form through something called the cue–routine–reward loop (Duhigg, 2012).
🔁 You get a cue (stress, boredom, a time of day)
🔁 You follow a routine (smoke, snack, scroll)
🔁 You get a reward (soothing, distraction, relief)
The brain loves this loop—because it’s efficient. But when the routine is harmful, the trick is to keep the cue and the reward, but swap the routine.
This is how you shift a habit without creating emotional resistance.
1. Swap the Habit, Not Just Stop the Habit
Trying to just stop a habit leaves a gap. The brain wants the reward it’s used to. So instead, give it a better path.
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A wonderful author called Haruki Murakami once wrote a character who has trying to give up smoking, and was making great progress by 'popping a lemon sherbet into his mouth' every time he wanted a cigarette.
That to me, is a really good example of swapping the routine.
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If you want to stop smoking:
Try sucking a lemon drop or cinnamon stick when a craving hits. It gives your mouth something sharp and sensory—offering a similar “kick” to your nervous system, without the damage. -
If you reach for snacks out of boredom:
Put a bowl of grapes or a cold glass of water with citrus in easy reach. Or swap eating for a 2-minute doodle, puzzle, or stretch. Same cue, new reward. -
If you scroll before bed:
Swap your phone for a calming bedtime ritual—like rubbing lavender oil on your wrists or reading two pages of a physical book. The goal is to trigger the same “wind-down” feeling.
The brain adjusts more easily to replacement than removal. It’s less a battle, more a redirection.
2. Make the Good Habit So Easy You Can’t Say No
Don’t start with “Run every morning.”
Start with “Put my shoes by the door.” Or “Stretch for 1 minute.”
Tiny wins build momentum. And according to BJ Fogg’s behaviour model, the smaller and easier a habit is, the more likely it will stick—especially when it feels rewarding (Fogg, 2020).
3. Celebrate Every Tiny Victory
Every time you don’t reach for the old habit—celebrate. Fist bump yourself. Say “Yes!” out loud.
These micro-celebrations train your brain to associate the new habit with a positive emotional reward.
Over time, it starts craving the better thing. And that is exactly what you want.
4. Forgive the Slips
You will have off-days. That’s not failure—it’s feedback.
Change is rarely a straight line. Progress is showing up again after the slip, without shame.
That’s what reprograms your identity.
Final Thought
Breaking Bad Habits & Building Better Ones
Breaking a bad habit isn’t about punishing yourself—it’s about freeing yourself.
And building a new one? That’s just a quiet promise you make to your future self:
“I believe I’m worth taking care of.”
This post is a collaborative effort between AI and myself in order to work a bit faster.
